there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
