Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize