wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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