I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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