R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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