Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We have started to decorate penises.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
