Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
