He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
