So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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