that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Me too!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
