I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
