He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
