His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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