The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm getting married
To pizza
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
