he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
