it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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