You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm like, not good at living.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
