I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize