I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
