The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
