She's JV to your varsity
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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