i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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