There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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