Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
