oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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