Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
