11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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