He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
