did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
