I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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