can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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