I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You can't motorboat a personality
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's never too late to be topless.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
