your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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