hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
