i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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