It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
