Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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