so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
