Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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