Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
