I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
