So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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