Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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