so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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