i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
