Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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