my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
