too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
