Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is Oprah even human
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
