UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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