Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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