I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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