he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
