I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
