Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
