Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
