soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
