I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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