saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have aggressive nipples.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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