omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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