What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
