just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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