You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
