1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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