Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
