using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize