I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
not ubering you a puppy
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
