i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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