Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
