In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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