We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize